


Wild Wild West by Will Smith

by cmpeabooty



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: F/M, M/M, Old West, Tell me what you think, Wild West, did you shoot the sheriff, inaccurate historical information, no cause his body is fucking impenetrable, trial fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 15:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20914364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cmpeabooty/pseuds/cmpeabooty
Summary: shizaya but in the old west. yes i know they are japanese. yes celty will have her head. just go with it.also this is a trial fic for now, lemme know what you think





	1. Chapter 1

It’s the 1840’s. The United States has been spreading out to the west, with thousands of migrants. Shizuo’s family among them. 

Shizuo was very young when they travelled west, so he doesn’t remember much, other than the trip took forever and was miserable. 

His brother and parents set out for a new life in the west, but only he and Kasuka made it. 

Their mother got incredibly ill halfway through the trip. Winter was not kind to anyone. But, they had to move on.

The group they travelled with soon began to fall apart. Grief and starvation sewed distrust and anger through the majority of adults. 

Shizuo’s father was never one to mingle with a crowd, which quickly worked against him. Many misplaced their anger at losing their loved ones on his father, an immigrant and a loner. 

They stabbed him in the night. This is when Shizuo has his first incident. 

Rage erupted from his soul, and with it, the strength of a monster. 

By the time they reached Oregon, Shizuo and his brother were ostracized from the other settlers. The young boys had to fend for themselves for everything. 

They struggled to survive for another year or two, when Shizuo’s rage was witnessed by the right person. A local sheriff. 

His name was Tom, and he helped Shizuo find better ways to channel his temper and his strength. Soon, Shizuo was able to obtain work at the jailhouse. 

Many years have gone by, Shizuo is twenty years old now, and has become the town sheriff. 

The town respects him, and adores his brother. He catches the most outlaws and criminals, keeping their town the safest in Oregon. Things change, when the most notorious group of outlaws roll into town.

They go by the name Amphisbaena.

Nobody knows their faces, or the names of the members. Nobody knows when they’re coming to decimate your town, until they’re upon you. 

They’re only identified by the black snake each member has tattooed on the back of their neck. That, and they dress in all black, and ride all black horses. 

They are a foreboding shadow on the west, causing chaos and calamity everywhere they go. 

It’s a clear, _hot_, sunny day, when a young trainee of Shizuo’s comes running into town, shouting at the top of his lungs.

“THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE HERE! ITS AMPHISBAENA!”

Shizuo, hearing the shout, comes out of the jailhouse, a frown on his face. “Yo! Kida! The hell you going on about?”

“It’s them! Those outlaws! Amphis-agh!”

Kida stops midsentence, collapsing. A knife is imbedded in his back. 

Shizuo feels his rage clouding his better judgement, as someone carries Kida to the doctor. 

A dark shadow approaches from the edge of town. The shadow morfs into a group of men, and a few women, on horses. All in black. 

“Yo, Mr. Sheriff~.”

The groups’ leader comes forward. Shizuo, the only towns-member left in the open, glares. This guy has a nasty vibe. He’s slimy.

He does look rather young, considering he’s leading the most notorious group of criminals in the west. 

He wears all black, including his boots and wide-brimmed hat. He has a black bandanna covering the lower half of his face. His eyes glitter with mirth and cruelty. 

The other members are in similar states of dress, aside from a woman, who looks to be second-in-command, who wears a bandanna covering half her face, but also another black scarf wrapped around her head and neck, covering her hair. Only piercing blue eyes are visible. 

Shizuo does _not_ want to bother with these people. And he _really_ does not want them to dare try and hurt any innocent members of the town. 

“Get out. Turn around and don’t come back, and I won’t do anything. If you stay and cause trouble, I _will_ kill you,” he says in a menacing tone. 

The leader’s eyebrows shoot yo his forehead, and a loud laugh follows. “Oh wow! And what makes you think your threat will be different than the last hundred sheriffs’?”

Shizuo really hates arrogant assholes. “Now. Leave. You have five seconds to turn around.”

The leader smirks, though the expression is covered by his mask. “I’ll pass.”

”Five.”

He giggles.

”Four.”

He turns to his group, “Gimme a minute here.”

“Three.”

He slides off his horse. The others back off. 

“Two.”

“Heh.”

“One.”

And Shizuo lunges, fist flying forward. 

Except- it doesn’t hit?

Grunting, Shizuo turns, feeling his neck prickle. 

The outlaw flicks a knife out and across Shizuo’s chest, right as he turns. 

No one has ever, ever, landed a hit on Shizuo. 

“Heh, isn’t this a blast?”

Shizuo growls, lunging for the asshole, again. He’s too damn slippery. 

They chase each other around for far too long, and the rest of the gang actually stays put, not interfering.

That is, until a well-aimed gunshot, takes out the leader’s horse. He notices, and immediately abandons the fight, but Shizuo does not acknowledge anything other than his prey. 

“Shit, they caught up...” The leader turns and sprints off to the scarfed woman, swinging up onto the back of her horse. The group tears off, abandoning the injured horse. 

“It was lots of fun- geh?!”

Shizuo is sprinting after the group, keeping up with horses that are galloping at full speed. He roars as he chases them. 

Shizuo doesn’t notice the federal troup that shot a few more rounds at the outlaws, too focused on the leader. 

The outlaws don’t stop running until the horses are exhausted, and they hide themselves in a patch of trees off the road. 

Shizuo, unfortunately, followed them the whole way. 

A sheriff abandoned his post, running after a group of outlaws. He knows the feds will not accept his reasons. 

Shizuo is no longer a sheriff. He’s become an outlaw. 

The leader is laughing at him, again. 


	2. Featuring Ludacris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we’re there japanese immigrants in the old west? probably not but let’s pretend there were

Izaya Orihara loves humans. 

He loves seeing their rawest of emotions exposed. He loves to see what people’s souls truly look like, when pushed. He loves observing humans at their best and their worst. 

That’s why the west is perfect. The west is packed full of hope, excitement, happiness, only to be crushed by grief, death, despair, and rage. 

He didn’t _mean_ to become an outlaw, per se, but when you want to witness all facets of humanity, you tend to end up on the criminal side of things. 

His parents were Japanese immigrants, having travelled to the west with Izaya growing in his mother’s belly. 

Truthfully, he’s never known the more “civilized” nature of the east (especially the north, like New England). He doesn’t mind. Human nature is far more primal in the west. 

As he got older, he began to develop a rather sophisticated information network, and with it, his group of bandits. Amphisbaena.

Izaya doesn’t care much for the riches, he just wants to witness humans in various situations. Becoming an outlaw provides many opportunities for those situations. 

One drawback, was that his younger sisters insisted on joining his little group. Nothing he said or did would stop them. Their parents having passed on years ago, and Izaya was their guardian, much to his reluctance.

Along their travels throughout the west, they met a deadly woman named Celty. She cannot speak, but she wields a scythe, more deadly than any gun Izaya has encountered. 

The group caught wind of a man with superhuman strength in an Oregon town. Izaya couldn’t resist, they had to go.

Unfortunately, they ran into a troup of federal soldiers, who were searching for outlaws just like them.

There was a bloody fight, before Izaya made the call to flee. They only coincidentally arrived at the exact town they were looking for.

“Izaya, we can’t stop here, they’re gonna catch up!”

“Izaya... Danger...” (We have to leave).

He ignored his sisters, preoccupied with the man approaching.

Blond hair topping a head that reaches at least six feet in height, this has to be the man he’s looking for!

It is, and Izaya couldn’t be more delighted. This is no man! This is a monster wearing a humans’ skin!

Sadly, the feds caught up, and he had to cut his fun short.

Well, he thought he had to, but the sheriff followed them! In a blind rage the idiot chased them for miles! Izaya laughed nearly the whole way (until Celty elbowed him in the stomach, almost knocking him off her horse).

Now, it’s past sunset, the sky dark, and Shizuo the sheriff looks embarrassed. 

“I don’t know if you realize, but you can’t go back to your town,” Izaya smirks at him (though his mask is still on).

“Shut up, I know that,” Shizuo grumbles back. They’ve been bickering for a few minutes now. 

“The feds won’t listen to any excuse, so you’re basically an outlaw like us.”

“Shut your damn mouth. I’m not anything like you!”

“Uh-huh, well in their eyes, yes you are,” This guy in impossible to reason with. 

Shizuo growls something under his breath, tearing at the grass beneath him. Izaya thinks he might be pouting. 

Sighing, Izaya tugs his mask down, “Whatever, I’m Izaya. Welcome to the wild west~.”

Shizuo stares at him for a few long moments, and Izaya gets itchy under that dark gaze. 

“What?”

“...You’re too pretty to be an outlaw.”

His sisters burst out in obnoxious laughter, Izaya glaring at them. He’s glad it’s dark out, cause it hides the red in his cheeks. 

“Oh I like him! Let’s keep him, Izaya!” Mairu calls out, as she trots over, removing her mask. She and her twin, Kururi, chose to wear eye masks, like they’re at a costume party, and not bandits running through the country. 

Shizuo flinches as she and Kururi sit on either side of him, getting way too close for comfort. 

“Golden... beautiful...” (His hair is pretty).

“I... what?” Shizuo looks flustered. Don’t worry, it only gets worse from here, sheriff. 

“Knock it off, you two.” Izaya cuts through the shenanigans. He doesn’t want his sisters anywhere _near_ that monster. 

“Hmph, whatever, Iza-nii.” And the girls crawl away to their corner, whispering to each other. 

Shizuo is frowning at the girls. 

“What’s the matter, this the first time a girl has spoken to you?” Izaya smirks. 

“Tch. Shut the hell up. I wanted to know why a couple of little girls were with a shitbag like you.”

“Oh~? I’ll have you know they’re here by choice. Also, I couldn’t get rid of them, like a rat infestation.”

“Please, if anyone here is a rat, it’s you.”

“Ha! Aren’t you fun, Shizu-chan.”

“... What the fuck did you just call me?!”


	3. And DJ Jazzy Jeff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is too fun please don’t take this fic seriously

Needless to say, nobody really got any sleep that night. With endless bickering and Shizuo chasing Izaya around, it was impossible for the others to fall asleep. 

They still had to move on, however, so they broke camp at dawn, and were on the road by sunrise. 

Two drawbacks: Izaya no longer had his horse, and Shizuo didn’t have one to begin with. 

The solution? The twins were exiled to sharing one horse (though they don’t mind much), and one of the lackeys at the bottom was deserted. Shizuo was given their horse. 

Honestly, he’s surprised that a group of outlaws would choose him over one of their own. 

Then again, it makes sense, for them to want Shizuo’s strength as opposed to a deadweight subordinate. Doesn’t make it any less cutthroat and brutal. 

He’s learned a few things about the group Amphisbaena. One: the leader, Izaya, and his sisters, share the same race as Shizuo’s father. 

Two: the woman Celty does not speak. In contrast, Izaya doesn’t shut up. 

Three: of the aforementioned, they are the most deadly of the group. These same people also don’t use guns.   
Izaya has an endless supply of knives, Celty has a terrifying scythe strapped to her back, and the twin girls don’t seem to have any weapon. 

Shizuo knows he can’t talk about not needing a weapon to take his enemies down, but seriously? Outlaws are always covered with guns! Just how deadly are these people?

However, in stark contradiction to this deadly atmosphere, the actual people seem to be complete idiots. 

It’s barely noon, and they haven’t made much progress on the rod, and they’ve already stopped for lunch. 

The twins would not stop complaining to Izaya that they were starving. He seems to have a weak backbone against those two. 

Shizuo would laugh at that, if he weren’t exactly the same against his own brother. 

Another factor of the siblings he’s noticed: they all speak fluent Japanese. 

Shizuo’s father never taugh him outright, but he learned well enough growing up. 

He’s not quite fluent, and his pronunciation is shit, but he understands enough to be able to listen in on what the siblings say. 

Most of it, if not all, is complete garbage. 

“I’m hungry, Iza-nii.” Was probably repeated a thousand times. 

It’s just after their lunch break, as they’re packing up to head out again, that things get just a little weirder. 

A shape is running towards the group. 

“Mystery... Arrival...” (A strange person is approaching).

“What?” Izaya stands next to his sister, squinting in the sun. 

Shizuo looks over, and there is indeed someone running to them, on foot. 

Shizuo guesses it’s just the lackey they deserted this morning, but as the shape gets closer, he’s filled with dread. 

_ Oh no, please tell me that’s not who I think it is..._

Sure enough, the figure arrives, revealing that it is, in fact, who Shizuo was dreading. 

Shinra, the local doctor of Shizuo’s town. Also, local basket case, and delusional nutcase. 

He’s panting, collapsed on the ground. “Oh- agh- jeez, you guys sure get moving! Wow! Agh- it took me all night to catch up to you guys!”

Dammit, Shinra, you idiot!

Celty’s scythe points at Shinra’s throat. 

“Yo, doctor-kun! Can you tell me why you’ve followed us, before my friend cuts your throat?” Izaya says sweetly. 

“Well-“

“SHINRA what the fuck is your problem?! These are criminals!” Shizuo kindly cuts him off. “You can’t follow these people out into their turf like I can!”

“Hnn~? You know him, Shizu-chan?”

“Yeah he’s the doctor back where I live and- Wait stop fucking CALLING ME THAT!”

“Well I see you two have made friends already,” Shinra interrupts cheerfully. 

“Yes, we’re the best of friends,” Izaya dryly remarks as he holds a knife to Shizuo’s throat. “Now tell me, why are you here?”

“I came because of love!”

Yeah, Shinra is really a nutcase. 

Izaya just stares. 

Shinra turns to stare at Celty, “I knew from the moment I saw you, that we were meant to be! Please, marry me, fair maiden!”

Celty hits him with the blunt end of her scythe. 

Shinra really is an _idiot_. 


End file.
